I hide stuff. Ugly stuff. Crazy-lady-blooper stuff. Seemingly controversial stuff. Ice cream at midnight stuff. It’s my shadow stuff. Hidden because smart, reasoned, nice, loving people might not feel, or act, or even think ‘like that.’
In the privacy of shadow-lurking, I reexamine unconditionally-believed-but-never-scrutinized ‘truths.’ I explore my narrowness, my wrongness, my mountains and mountains of judge-y crap. Shadow-lurking is helpful…until I get comfortable. Wait. What? Shadow-lurking comfortable? Sounds counterintuitive…but no. All too often, I continue hiding good stuff begging to be set free. Why? Because shadow-releasing feels super risky. These days, terrifying. What if smart, reasoned, nice, loving people disagree with me? Judge me? Cut me off? God forbid, what will MEAN people do? Yes, clearly, I still suffer from everybody-needs-to-likes-me syndrome. (More shadow-lurking work awaits.)
If I sound wimpy…it’s because I am. Wimpy AND weary. Weary because I care. Weary because the whole love-thy-neighbor-as-thyself thing isn’t lived. Weary because 'righteous' wrongness is alive, noisy, violent. Weary because I've been too wimpy to publicly shadow-release this: white-woman-me stands in solidarity with Black America and with people of EVERY color, size, age, belief, sexual orientation, birthplace, political affiliation, blood type, shoe size, pet preference, ALL of it—everyone is honored, celebrated, WORTHY! Yes, EVERYONE. One and all are wonderfully worthy, loveably flawed, beautifully human, unconditionally welcomed!
And today—especially today—as America's racial injustice bursts out of the shadows, I stand in solidarity with Black America. I stand in gratitude. Black America, you’ve taught me that many...many...many of my unconditionally-believed-but-never-scrutinized ‘truths’ were not true. Black America, you live and breathe courage. Your bravery inspires. I stand in awe.