May 23, 2020

OMG…please people…let’s re-open what matters most: our hearts. Look at us! So much push & pull. Re-open. Don’t re-open. I’m right; you’re wrong.

Pandemic news you can use: EVERYONE is suffering. EVERYONE.

Forgive my frustration but geez, we are better than this. I’ve been down a similar road--not the same--but trust me, thanks to coronavirus, this will sound weirdly familiar. After my husband’s suicide, I was involuntarily socially distanced. In the beginning, self-sequestering felt like serving the greater good; my shame-imposed-isolation eased people’s suicide phobias. Most people kept their distance. Thankfully not all…but most. Out-of-site-out-of-mind-hush-hide-all-things-suicide wasn’t mandated, but implied. Eye contact was kept to a minimum or avoided altogether. By today’s standards, I guess suicide widowhood had its perks. No coronavirus. No face masks. Not as much hand washing. No fear of TP shortages. Still, I had no husband, so there was that…

Unlike these days of COVID-19…there was no unity in my isolation. I was (THANK GOD) the only suicide widow on my block. Actually, at the time, I didn’t know another suicide widow. A good thing—less is more in all things suicide.'s the order to heal and regain social freedom, I had to unlock my heart. My heart required three things:

1. Accept.

2. Adjust.

3. Repeat. 

Let me be clear...specifically I had to:

1. Accept my unwanted reality.

2. Adjust accordingly...meaning lots of guess-and-go-and-re-guess-and-re-go.

3. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

What’s with the over-active repeat thing? First, I’m a slow learner. Second, reality changes--a lot! The whole accept & adjust routine is a near constant fact of life. Change happens. And happens. And happens. Thankfully, not always with the drop-you-to-your-knees drama of a suicide or a global pandemic, but life never stands still. Handling change comes with a sliding scale from OMG THIS TOTALLY SUCKS (but I will survive--right? Right.). At least that's my sliding scale.

But enough about me. Today YOU—and the entire planet—face relentless uncertainty. Pandemic uncertainty. Which sucks. EVERYONE is suffering. EVERYONE. Coronavirus won the power-grip prize. Geez, not even a contest. We’re ALL struggling to cope mentally, financially, emotionally, spiritually, now even politically. And…worst-case-scenario: physically—perhaps to the brink of death.

Collectively we MUST unlock our hearts. You and me. Everyone. Together. Let’s unlock love. There is both comfort and strength in shared suffering. Shared compassion. Shared empathy. Shared grief. Shared healing.

My heart is unlocked, willing and ready to:

1. Accept this unwanted pandemic dance floor.

2. Adjust my world to stay as safe possible WHILE sharing loving kindness with as many as possible.

3. Repeat... Repeat... Repeat…

Join me?

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